so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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