I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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