so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize