You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
