Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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