$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
