i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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