worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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