I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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