from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
