found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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