she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
