We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
