What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize