Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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