Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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