I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
