We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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