I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
