my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
