I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
