i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
