Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
