Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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