Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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