the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize