sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
