I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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