Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
