Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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