I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize