You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
