Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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