More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
