I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
