Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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