Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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