Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
