You're my little dorito
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Houston, we have a blender
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
