dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
