Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
