Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
