Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
