I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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