so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry about my life...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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