Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
