he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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