She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
