Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You ruined the universe
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
