If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
