Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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