I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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