Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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