I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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