i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
