please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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