Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
