You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
