I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
