The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
