Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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