While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
