My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
