you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize