She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
