in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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