so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't think brook has ever known best
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
