if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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