It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
