My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
