ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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