So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
