im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
