he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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