There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
