Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
