I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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