fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
