hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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