Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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