I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Even my vagina gasped.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
