when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
