Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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