Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im holly from the hills drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
