Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
