Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
