I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
