At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
