I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was CRYING into my vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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