Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
