I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
