I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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