I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
