Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
