Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize