If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
