Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
