in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
